My celebrity rant of the week: I hugely respect John Mayer as a song writer (a kudos I reserve for maybe three or four other all-time musicians) so I can only shake my head at his impromptu press conference over the weekend to open up about his break-up with Jennifer Aniston. “There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing.” Well done

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Rural England is my escape pod, my bolthole, my favourite time-off destination. But I couldn't live there permanently.

I've been chatting over a pint with Mark for many years at my local in rural Buckinghamshire. He disappeared for a while and as no one brought it up, I just assumed he'd moved away.

The truth was more dismaying. Mark was in the

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As expats there are things that rile us about France and the French. We've been brought up in different environments where different social and practical rules apply and so we naturally think differently. It's not realistic to assume that a people whose backgound is so different from our own anglo-saxon model is going to align themselves to our

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Standing in line at an x-ray clinic today, waiting, waiting, waiting while the ill-mannered receptionist, whose detached and unsympathetic mannerisms I've become accustomed to over time, continued to ignore me. No, there was nobody else in line, in the lobby, in the parking lot. But there I was leaning against the wall.

An elderly couple came out

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Sitting in a terrace bar in Barcelona at the weekend, I overheard the conversation amongst two English couples at an adjacent table, as they sorted through several piles of Euro bank notes.

It went something like this :

"These are the ones wot Fred brought back from France last year, so these must be the Spanish ones .... "

I wasn't quite sure

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If you're claustrophobic don't read this. Or maybe you should because it might make you feel less alone in your phobia and less of a cowardly fool or it might even give you an excuse to have a sarcastic giggle at my expense. Be my guest.

Recently, I've been having some upper back pain which extends down into my right arm, causes some mobility

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I spent the better part of last evening listening to a friend’s relationship saga. She and her girlfriend of 2 1/2 years had twins four months ago. Not an easy process for anyone, but IVF in France is illegal for non-heterosexuals. So they went to Brussels, back and forth, back and forth, doctors appointments, psychologist appointments, clinic

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Left the house in a daze early this morning to pick up my nephew at the airport. Walking to my car, the dogs next doors started their territorial yapping and the neighbour comes around the corner shouting at them to be quiet. Fair enough but he’s wearing a Speedo. Why, why, why?  I haven’t even had my morning coffee, my stomach turns, my eyes are

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My father was a war hero in a necessary war against Germany and Hitler. A real hero, not one of those gong seekers with fruit salad on their chest, scrambled egg on their caps and letters after their name but who never saw a day of battle. He was decorated by "Monty" himself for extreme bravery in action.

He is also a committed pacifist with a

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If I were clever,
I’d quit my job today,
Enroll in university
To be an oby-gyn nurse, as they say.

I’d be top of my class
While reading the tabloids on the side,
Graduate in a few years time,
Taking it all in stride.

Then I’d calculate Angelina’s next date of birth,
And Google earth where she’d be,
I’d apply to that local hospital,
And earn the trust of

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An election, and I’m using the term purely because this is how it has generally been referred to, has just been held in Zimbabwe. Of course it wasn’t really an election, as there was only one candidate, and in order to make sure that nobody thought of not voting for him, he made sure that people were beaten into submission. Just in case that

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I can sleep better now knowing along with the rest of the world and orbiting planets that Brad Pitt is “the happiest father ever”. Or that according to Dr Michel Sussmann, “he was very moved and very emotional” which I guess is quite shocking because most fathers who cut a veiny, flexible, human cord aren’t moved ... to vomit.

Clearly, Brad is a

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Am I the only person who thinks that botox has seeped into the minds of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They claim to have chosen the South of France for the birthplace of their incoming twins because the French respect privacy of celebrities. Fair enough. But maybe they got more than they bargained for because hey, guess what? The French don’t care

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Ok, I've gone all silent on you for a while. Honestly, there's just too much out there that enrages me. Too much hypocrisy, too much irrationality, too many lies. Too much to know what to go on about. Everywhere.

And also too many people with preconceived opinions about subjects they don't know anything about and haven't looked into further than

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A few days ago I was chatting with a lady in Mougins about the queue of private jets that were bringing the rich and famous to the Cannes Film Festival. "Look at that jet. No wonder the air is polluted. Soon the festival will begin and the bay will be full of yachts too and our Mediterranean will be contaminated as well. The rich and privileged

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