Everyone thinks he's a writer.

All sorts of wannabe hacks send their texts to me at the Reporter. There's the odd gem but most are excruciatingly boring. That's usually because the writer thinks his own interests must forcibly be shared by others. They're usually not. Or it's because the writer is pushing a particular product, service or idea for his own reasons.

Many pieces are self indulgent but journalism isn't about writing about what you like -- that's what blogs like this are for. Professional working journalists are imposed a subject and a length and their job is to get on with making the story as interesting, informative and readable as they can. Much of the time it's long, hard, dreary work but that won't show if it's done by a real pro. The reader should think the reporter had a right old time.

"What a fascinating profession you're in". Rubbish! It's damned hard work -- like slaving away in a restaurant or a brothel.

The big problem with most of what I'm sent is that it's too long or too irrelevant. I once got a three-page dissertation on Turkish plumbing and the wannabe seemed genuinely surprised I didn't publish it. "But I'm not asking to be paid ." I should flippin' well hope not. That would be the last straw.

Writing short is what real journalism is all about. Like a professional motor racer, it's all about how well you've learned to cut the corners.

"I would have written it shorter but I didn't have the time." That's the only excuse an editor might swallow. Maybe.