For your eyes only
Posted by: Nancy Wilson in Uncategorised on
Jul 17, 2008
Left the house in a daze early this morning to pick up my nephew at the airport. Walking to my car, the dogs next doors started their territorial yapping and the neighbour comes around the corner shouting at them to be quiet. Fair enough but he’s wearing a Speedo. Why, why, why? I haven’t even had my morning coffee, my stomach turns, my eyes are blinded. This ageing Gallic is nowhere near carrying it off like David Beckham does in fastskin. I jump in the car trying to shake off the image, like when a flash goes off in your eyes and the spot is left dancing across your vision, only to be blocked en route by cyclists in spandex. Speedos to the right of me, spandex to the left - what is with this country?
My Speedo squeamishness is deep rooted. During a six week French immersion program in northern Quebec, my host family was the town’s ex-mayor, a rather dignified gentleman in his late sixties and his wife. One day I came out of the house and be greeted by my host daddy’s Speedoed ass as he bent over to pull weeds. I felt embarrassed and am sure I carried a “this tart is really sour” expression. He didn’t notice. He pricked right up and talked about the garden, even welcoming my friends when they arrived. That was fifteen years ago and I still haven’t figured it out. I seriously wonder if French children aren’t traumatised between their dads, grandfathers, uncles and cousins in Speedos and their mothers, grandmothers, aunts and cousins naked but for thongs. It’s just seems wrong somehow. Like when the bus driver pees in front of the bus and then climbs back on, sits down and gives you change. But I digress ...
Under no pretence do I suggest that next to the commodities crash or global warming, this clothing crime should take presedence and that world leaders should hold a lycra summit to discuss how to battle the offensive fabric. Nor would I propose an anti-sanction measure against non-compliant governments whereby thousands of end-of-season Speedos be air dropped into dangerous territory. But really, who could possibly hide a machine gun or taped explosive devices behind a Speedo and for the French, they seem to be big ice-breakers.
My Speedo squeamishness is deep rooted. During a six week French immersion program in northern Quebec, my host family was the town’s ex-mayor, a rather dignified gentleman in his late sixties and his wife. One day I came out of the house and be greeted by my host daddy’s Speedoed ass as he bent over to pull weeds. I felt embarrassed and am sure I carried a “this tart is really sour” expression. He didn’t notice. He pricked right up and talked about the garden, even welcoming my friends when they arrived. That was fifteen years ago and I still haven’t figured it out. I seriously wonder if French children aren’t traumatised between their dads, grandfathers, uncles and cousins in Speedos and their mothers, grandmothers, aunts and cousins naked but for thongs. It’s just seems wrong somehow. Like when the bus driver pees in front of the bus and then climbs back on, sits down and gives you change. But I digress ...
Under no pretence do I suggest that next to the commodities crash or global warming, this clothing crime should take presedence and that world leaders should hold a lycra summit to discuss how to battle the offensive fabric. Nor would I propose an anti-sanction measure against non-compliant governments whereby thousands of end-of-season Speedos be air dropped into dangerous territory. But really, who could possibly hide a machine gun or taped explosive devices behind a Speedo and for the French, they seem to be big ice-breakers.
Set as favourite
Bookmark
Comments
(4)
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Show/Hide comments
...
written by Shortia , 17 July 2008
written by Shortia , 17 July 2008
Speedo's can be frightening.
I encountered a man on the bus in Nice last year dressed in nothing but his banana hammock. Its a powerful image that even 12 months on I can't shake off.
If you ever take a trip to a public pool here, they tend to insist that you wear a pair of budgie smugglers as well.....
I encountered a man on the bus in Nice last year dressed in nothing but his banana hammock. Its a powerful image that even 12 months on I can't shake off.
If you ever take a trip to a public pool here, they tend to insist that you wear a pair of budgie smugglers as well.....
...
written by Walgren , 17 July 2008
written by Walgren , 17 July 2008
The "budgie smugglers" (funny!) are also obligatory in Florida public pools. I don't like the damned things but I was told why and it makes sense.
Apparently it's a question of hygiene. People who wear "shorts" type swimwear wear them also as shorts in the street and may sit on public benches or grass or whatever. Then they potentially bring muck into the pool on their shorts.
That's why you have to take your shoes off when you go on a yacht. It's so the crap of the street doesn't foul the cleanliness of the decks.
But as some French (not very many that I've noticed, except some cyclists who also wear funny caps) wear the "budgie smugglers" in the street I guess it's a bit of a watered down rule (pun intended) here. In Florida, it probably makes more sense or do they wear spandex in Florida too? Can't remember.
Only one solution - nude public pools. As long as they let us know in advance when the "granny hour" is. Yech!
Apparently it's a question of hygiene. People who wear "shorts" type swimwear wear them also as shorts in the street and may sit on public benches or grass or whatever. Then they potentially bring muck into the pool on their shorts.
That's why you have to take your shoes off when you go on a yacht. It's so the crap of the street doesn't foul the cleanliness of the decks.
But as some French (not very many that I've noticed, except some cyclists who also wear funny caps) wear the "budgie smugglers" in the street I guess it's a bit of a watered down rule (pun intended) here. In Florida, it probably makes more sense or do they wear spandex in Florida too? Can't remember.
Only one solution - nude public pools. As long as they let us know in advance when the "granny hour" is. Yech!
...
written by Walgren , 17 July 2008
written by Walgren , 17 July 2008
Have you people noticed the ads around this page are for Speedo and Spandex and swimwear? How do they do that? And why? We're not exactly encouraging people to buy the damned stuff.
Show/Hide comment form