In moments of stress, self indulgence was not encouraged in my youth, one took a good long walk across the Yorkshire moors and Pulled Oneself Together, but in Monaco a walk through the Japanese garden just does not quite do the trick. Aromatherapy may work for some, but I have discovered a wonderfully self-indulgent kind of solace in a room with a view at the Les Thermes Marins, Monaco’s de luxe seawater spa, and the irresistible and possibly addictive delight of personal pampering à la Monte Carlo.

Hippopotamii have known about it for years, but I had never thought much of mud as an antidote to stress, let alone the idea of being smeared all over with the squishy stuff then being “enveloppée” and left to warmly snooze, but I assure you, it is simply splendid and ‘abtholutely’ therapeutically toe-curlingly soporific. And that is not all, oh no! that is not all. Thereafter one is escorted to a room with a seaview and gently ensconced in a huge jacuzzi bath full of perfumed froth (every home should have one) and left to contemplate the yachts drifting into the harbour … until all those terribly important problems float off into space as silken bubbles caress your pampered skin and completely obscure such things as wrinkly knees.

Cuddled into a luxurious towelling robe, one is then escorted through white marbled corridors for a “hydro”massage or a “shiatsu” massage, or why not just a “relax” massage, or even a “Taoiste” massage, then perhaps a rejuvenating facial massage, an algae bath, or a leisurely swim in a seawater pool before indulging in a gourmet lunch on the terrace before drifting home on winged feet without a care in the world.

If life is too stressful and full of care and chocolates and champagne fail to soothe the savage breast, don’t settle for warm milk and an early night … go and wiggle your toes in…. mud, mud, glorious mud ….. in Monte Carlo. 

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