Happy In The Var

Written by Riviera Reporter

We like it here …

Remember Bob and Lucy? In our pre-Christmas issue Jill Penton-Browne talked to this British couple who were unhappy in their Var village and were preparing to return to the UK. The story aroused quite a lot of interest among readers in the area. Jill has been hearing from some of them

“We’ve been bored and it’s getting worse.” So Bob summed up the couple’s predicament. They also found their lives were socially and culturally impoverished here and they were worried about their son’s future – he would shortly have been starting primary school – and, as Lucy put it, they didn’t “want his head filled with other people’s history”. How did the other Var residents I spoke to react to all this? People offered a certain sympathy – after all, Bob and Lucy were obviously unhappy – but found their complaints difficult to understand.

“The hardest part … the move from town to country”
Everyone seized on their claim to be bored. “That I find extraordinary,” said Paul Cronk who quit the City of London some five years ago and is now settled permanently in the Var with his wife Frannie. “Before that we’d come here on visits and then I commuted to the UK for two years before we decided that Aups was going to be our main base. That meant we knew the area and something about the people. I can see that plunging in with no prior knowledge could be more difficult. But, you know, what I think is the hardest part in many cases is not the change from England to France but, as we experienced it, the move from town to country. You miss the easy access to things you’re used to.” Frannie agreed: “I enjoy shopping and here I’ve got quite a trip – to Nice or Marseille – if I want to do a decent department store. But I don’t buy this boredom thing. There’s lots to do and in some cases it gets you close up to the locals. I’m a volunteer helper in the local library, for example. We’re very happy here.”

Joan Taylor, who with her husband Brian has lived for twelve years in Taradeau, near Vidauban, was also puzzled by Bob and Lucy’s boredom. “I don’t want to be unkind,” she said, “but I can’t believe they made much effort. Our village is very small – if you blink as you drive you could miss it – but I joined a silk painting class early on and so I quickly got to know neighbours through a common interest and then I started to teach English. At the end of five years the mayor gave me a medal for my community spirit.” The Taylors had had a chance to get to know France earlier. Brian is a former IBM-er and had two postings to La Gaude. “But even with that background you need some help when settling in and that’s where other expats can be a help. I must say these days the British Association does a fine job in bringing people together.”

“Be polite, be interested …”
Lucy had admitted that they felt the French in their village didn’t want them as friends and at the same time they weren’t keen on what she called “the enforced friendliness of expat clubs”. This remark was received with evident irritation by everyone I spoke to. Derek Holroyd, who settled near Fayence with his wife Julie nearly a decade ago after retiring from his dental practice in Lancashire, voiced a common view. “Frankly, that’s just stupid. How many people did they meet? I’ll tell you this: our social life is much more varied and enjoyable here than it was in Lancashire. There are two sides to it. We spend quite a lot of time with other expats, mainly Brits I have to say, but they’ve got a very wide range of backgrounds. The other night we had two couples here to dinner – one chap was an ex-Virgin Atlantic captain, the other had been in advertising and his wife had worked for ITN. You just didn’t get that sort of mix in Blackburn.” Derek’s point was widely echoed. Brian Taylor agreed that there was an interesting expat social life, adding “and you don’t get those class hang-ups which can still get in the way in England. There’s a very easy and friendly atmosphere”.

The other side of the Holroyds’ social life involves their relationships with the French. I talked about this topic with Eric and Rosemary Booth who came to Flayosc after regular holidays at La Ciotat. “Yes, it was difficult at first,” admitted Eric. “They don’t fall all over newcomers. But that’s true of all rural communities. You have to take it steadily. Be polite, be interested and they come round.” The women I talked to seemed to have been more proactive in gaining acceptance than their menfolk. As we’ve often pointed out in our Clubs and Associations column, the best way to get to know the French is through a shared activity or interest. “That’s so true,” agreed Rosemary Booth. “I’ve always been a keen philatelist and I’m a member of a stamp collectors’ group where I’ve had a marvellous welcome.” Eric wanted to make another point: “Any move is a critical life event and even more when you go to another country. But it’s worth the hassle in this case for what you get in return. This is a wonderful place to live. When I go back to Bournemouth – once a lovely town but now one of the binge drinking capitals of Britain – I can only shudder.”

Ivor Cohen’s experience is perhaps especially relevant to Bob and Lucy’s case. “Ten years ago I moved from Bushey in Hertfordshire with Françoise my wife who’s French, to a very small place called Montmeyan which is on the way to Manosque. We stayed there for four years. To be honest, it wasn’t an entire success. We didn’t seem to make much contact with the locals, though Françoise being French was a help, and it was a difficult place to get to and from. Anyway, we realised we were getting older and six years ago we upped and moved to Draguignan. Now we’re very happy. We’ve got the advantages of the Var but if we want to enjoy something else we can hop on a train to Nice or Cannes or Marseille. In a way, I can understand Bob and Lucy’s not being wholly happy in a village but they shouldn’t have given up so easily on living here.”

“You’re in France – but you’re not French”
So, finally, what advice did our happy couples have to offer? In sum, it came to this: before settling in – and start by renting – come down for several months and see if the place, the people and the way of life really suit you; acquire at least basic French as fast as possible – it’s essential and without it you’re unlikely to make any French friends; but don’t shun the expat community – that’s daft, and means missing out on interesting company and useful advice. Always remember two things: you’re in France – but you’re not French. Think about it. Before you finally decide to settle here – and likely die here – be ready to accept certain things, like the local bureaucracy, and be ready to give up other things. If you’re the kind of culture vulture who wants to slip out on a whim to the Royal Court or the ENO a Var village isn’t the place to be. It’s a wonderful life, though …

From Reporter 108 - Apr/May 2005

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